


Polaris

by heh28



Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: AU, Alternate Universe - Science Fiction, Doctor Who AU, Drama, F/M, Minor Character Death, Science Fiction
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-09-01
Updated: 2016-03-03
Packaged: 2018-04-18 13:34:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 19,565
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4707818
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/heh28/pseuds/heh28
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Doctor Who AU. Clara Oswald needs a job. Faced with an ultimatum, she takes the position of personal assistant to none other than the award winning astrophysicist the Doctor. Soon she is sucked into his world, a fast paced nightmare more dangerous than she ever could have imagined.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

It was an actual sunny day today. Clear blue sky, as blue as the damn crayon with not a cloud in sight. Clara was sitting in the only sunny patch in Amy’s office, and she could feel her skin burning slightly. Amy tapped away at her keyboard, once again looking for a temp job for her. Clara felt badly about not being able to keep a job for the past two years, but she didn’t feel badly enough to bring herself to care too much.

“Aha!” Amy said happily clicking something on her monitor. “I’ve found something for you, and it’s a good one.”

“How do you feel about being a personal assistant?” she asked turning the monitor to face Clara.

On the screen there was a picture of a handsome older man in the midst of a TED talk. Both arms were flung out as he faced the audience. His expression was fierce as he explained whatever it was he was talking about.

“Who is that?” Clara asked, intrigued despite herself.

“That,” Amy smiled “Is the Doctor.”

“THE Doctor? Doctor of what?”

“Astrophysics. He won a Noble Prize a few years ago.” Amy turned her monitor back and started clicking away.

Clara let out an incredulous laugh. “And he calls himself The Doctor?”

“I am literally sending in your resume as we speak.”

“Wait! Amy, I didn’t even agree to this!”

Amy gave Clara a look and took her hand that was placed on the edge of her desk.

“Clara, you’re my best friend, but you can’t keep quitting all the jobs I find for you.”

Clara looked away from her. If she had any tears left they would be stinging her eyes right now.

Amy’s face softened. “Okay I’m giving you an ultimatum. Put in for this job, or go to therapy.”

Clara sighed. There was no way in hell she was going to go talk to someone about her ‘feelings’.  Clara knew Amy’s heart was in the right place. She and Rory had been the only people there for her after…just after. 

“Fine.” Clara said at last, unclasping her hand from Amy’s.

“Nice! Okay, well since you’ve agreed and I’ve just sent in your resume there is something that you should know.”

Clara groaned, of course there was something.

“What is it then?”

“The Doctor is known to be sort of an eccentric hard ass. You know, going through several assistants every few months.” Amy made a what-can-you-do gesture.

“I mean he might not even hire me.” Clara made a face at Amy.

“Oh, I have a feeling he will.”

\--

Clara was shaving her legs when Amy called.

Clara barely got out a hello before there was screaming.

“YOU’VE GOT AN INTERVIEW!”

She winced, holding the phone away from her face.

“When?”

“TOMORROW!”

Clara got all the details from her too excited friend and ended the call with a promise to have lunch as soon as possible even if she didn’t get the job.

“I want to know what he’s like.” Amy had said, a note of suggestion in her tone.

Clara laughed. “You want to know if he is worthy to have a quickie with in some dark corner then?”

“Absolutely!”

They said their goodbyes and Clara finished shaving.

She plopped herself on the couch, laptop in tow.

“Time to find out who The Doctor is.” She said to herself, typing google into the web address bar.

\--

She had considered wearing something absolutely ridiculous to the interview. A dark purple cocktail dress with five inch stilettos definitely would have made an impression, but she had thought about Amy and her therapy threat and decided not to indulge that intrusive thought.

She picked out a nice outfit that screamed ‘business casual’ and fixed her hair and makeup.

Clara looked at herself in her bathroom mirror. There was only so much concealer that would cover the dark circles under her eyes. She looked a little thin, a little tired. Clara had resigned herself to this look. World weary and numb.

She grabbed her purse and was out the door. She was about to start walking to the station when a man called out to her.

“Are you Clara Oswald?” He asked.

An average man was leaning against a sleek black car. He had a chauffeur’s uniform on with a badge on a lanyard around his neck.

“Yes?” she answered cautiously, gripping her mace.

He nodded and opened the back seat door to her.

“The Doctor sends his regards and asks if you would prefer a car to taking the train.”

Clara looked at the chauffeur. “For real?”

He nodded. “Yes Ma’am.”

Clara did want to get in the car, but what if it was a ruse and he took her to some shady mafia sex trafficking lord?

The chauffeur took out his phone and handed it to her. “He said you might be wary to get in a strange car, and in case to just give him a ring.”

This was all really weird, but Clara pressed the dial button on the phone. It rang a few times before a male voice answered.

“Ah, Clara I presume.” He said. Clara recognized his voice from the many videos of him on YouTube that she watched.

“Doctor.” She replied.

“It is really my car and some strange man is not trying to take you away.” He said.

“Well it is all a bit strange.” She said before she could stop herself, but he laughed.

“I suppose so, now you better get a move on. Traffic is hell this time of day.” and he hung up.

Clara handed the phone back to the chauffeur and got into the back seat.

Clara had been txting Amy all throughout the ride over, but put her phone away when they turned into the driveway.

I was a huge glass skyscraper that they pulled up to. Clara admitted she didn’t quite know what she was getting herself into. The chauffeur opened her door and directed her to the elevators.

“Top floor” he said.

Clara looked for his name on the call box.

‘THE DOCTOR’, it said.

“He is really sticking to this name.”

She pressed the button and the elevator door binged open. She pressed the button for the top floor and was quickly transported up. The elevator was all glass and she watched an amazing view of London speed by.

Soon it slowed to a stop, and the doors opened into a gorgeously modern penthouse.

She stepped out, and the Doctor came from around the corner.

“Clara, hello. I am the Doctor.” He said shaking her hand “Please come in. Have a seat, and I’ll be with you momentarily.”

He walked off and she took the moment to look around. One side of the penthouse was completely glass. Like the elevator, it showed a huge expansive view of the city. There was a sliding door to the patio where she could a sitting area with silver lounge chairs. Of what she could see of the interior it was a monochromatic modern mix of leather, chrome, and glass. Everything was pristine and coldly beautiful.

Behind her was a larger than life kitchen, with every appliance you could possibly need.  Oak dining table with matching chairs to her right. Behind that was an impressive collection of liquors. Scotch, rum, whiskey, gin and more that Clara couldn’t recognize. It was a bartender’s wet dream. Clara had never been around such obvious wealth, and it was almost overwhelming.

There was a setup of two leather chairs sitting across from one another, and a small glass table between them. Clara sat, and began going over interview questions in her head.

The Doctor reappeared after a few moments from one of the hallways and asked “Would you like anything? Coffee, tea, water?”

“Water please.”

He nodded and returned from the kitchen with a water bottle and she assumed a mug of coffee for himself.

“Now, Clara” he sat in the chair opposite of hers “let’s just right to it. Why in the world would an ex English teacher want to work as a personal assistant?”

The question threw her for a loop. Was he serious?

The Doctor fixed her with a stare, waiting for her response.

“I need a job. I need the money.” She said after a beat. If he was going to sidestep pleasantries, then she might as well answer honestly.

He nodded and took the glasses hanging off the collar of his shirt and slid them on. He took a file off of the glass table and flicked through it.

“Ah it says here that you have gone through several jobs in the past two years after quitting your teaching position. Why not stay with those? One was very lucrative I see.”

“I wasn’t happy, and I couldn’t stand to stay there a second longer.” Clara didn’t mention that she was binge drinking every weekend and could barely perform her duties.

The Doctor nodded and put the file down.

“Alright well I’m sure you’ve heard that I go through many personal assistants in the course of a year, so I’ve developed a trial period of one week that you will go through. You will be paid for your work and at the end of the week I will let you know whether or not you will be kept on. “

Clara was confused. “I’m sorry, but that’s it? You’ve barley asked me anything.”

The Doctor smiled at her. “I think you are going to do just fine. Let me show you around where you will be working and where my office is. Oh!” he snapped his fingers “I almost forgot that there is a smaller flat downstairs for you to stay in.”

Now Clara was very confused. “Flat? I’ve got my own flat, Doctor.”

“Oh yes I know, but you are going to be acting as my full time assistant. You are going to have to be nearby when I go to my office at the University and when I have to travel. Commuting 45 minutes every day is not really efficient.”

Clara was sure her eyes were saucers, and she got the distinct feeling that she was in way over her head.

Clara could back out now if she wanted. Just say that she really didn’t think she was the right person for the job, not the right time, anything really. Her thoughts whirled together and her fight or flight senses were kicking in full force. Run, run, and run away.

She had just opened her mouth to back out of this bizarre situation when he beat her to the punch.

“I know what you’re thinking.” He said, and he started at her with an intense look.

Clara forced herself to meet his eye. “Oh?” she said, not really knowing what else to say.

He waved his hand “I know this is all a bit overwhelming” he gestured to the flat “but if you are truly unhappy by the end of the week, you are free to go.” He stood and made his way to the bar.

“I think you will excel.” He said from somewhere behind her.

Clara took a moment to feel the situation out. She didn’t get any creeper vibes from him, and he was handsome. She laughed to herself, like that mattered. She could leave if she wanted.

The word “Okay” was out of her mouth before she could stop it. Clara didn’t believe in luck, or fate, or destiny, but she could swear as she turned to look at the man behind her, that somehow this was a path she was meant to be on.

The Doctor smiled at her. Yes, she thought, I will excel.

\--

 

 There was paperwork to sign and schedules to work out and keys to hand over. Once that was all finished he directed her to the flat downstairs.

“112.” He said.

Clara stood in front of the door. Her new place for the week. There was no going back now.

It was very, very nice. Already furnished it echoed the Doctor’s interior design.

Clara left her purse at the front door as she explored the living room, dining room, kitchen, bedroom, and bathroom. There was a tub! No more shaving her legs in the sink. She ran her hands over everything, opened all the cupboard and closet doors. She discovered a small stacked washer and dryer and was glad she wouldn’t have to go to a laundry mat again for a while.

Night had fallen and the city glittered brilliantly below. Clara stood on the balcony of the flat. A cold breeze whipped her hair around and pressed her clothes to her skin. Leaning over the banister, she stuck her hand out and pretended to squish ant-sized cars with her thumb.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for the support!

Clara made coffee the next morning for them, yawing and achy from waking up much earlier than she was used to. She had just finished rubbing a tired hand over her face when she spotted a note on the counter.

‘HERE IS A LIST OF THINGS THAT NEED TO BE COMPLETED TODAY, AND A COPY OF MY SCHEDULE IS BELOW.’

All in caps. She chuckled slightly at it.

Below, there was indeed a copy of his schedule and what needed to be completed was simply a re-arrangement of meetings that conflicted with one another. Glancing at her phone, the time was not yet nine. Clara poured herself a mug of steaming coffee and began going over his schedule.

Everything went smoothly and she wrote down the changes with the corresponding times on the sheet. Easy.

The Doctor sauntered into the kitchen exactly at nine and the first thing he said when he saw Clara was, “You’re hungover.”

Clara gave him a look. “How could you possibly know that?” she may have drank too much whiskey last night, but she wasn’t that hungover.

She poured him a cup and asked him how he preferred his coffee.

“Black, and I know because I’ve been drunk enough times to know.”

Clara handed him his mug “Uh-huh.”

The Doctor left it at that, and they slipped into silence. Clara shuffled the papers on the counter around.

He made a humming sound and held a finger up as he swallowed “I’ve forgotten” he said before leaving the room and coming back with a good sized leather planner. “You’re going to need this. It’s my planner with everything scheduled out for the next month or so. Obviously you will be taking calls, so here is you’re phone.” He handed them to her “All calls meant for me go to you first. Screen them, and if urgent transfer them over.”

The Doctor held up his watch up. “We’ve got to go. Grab your things.”

He turned as Clara called out to him. “Doctor you’re still in your pajamas!”

He looked down, “Ah yes, good eye!” he said.

Five minutes later he was ready and they were out the door heading to the university.

\--

In the car over, he talked about how he was teaching an advanced astrophysics course twice a week and had a small office there. He also worked for several different companies and consulted with multiple others. His main concern, however, was that of an independently funded group that was working on something very secret.

“What like people would kill for this kind of secret?” she had asked playfully.

He chuckled and gave her a look.

Clara was immediately curious to what kind of secret an astrophysicist could have. She wanted to ask, but then again it might be a government secret. One of the contractors he works for must be a branch of some sort.

The thought went out of her head as they pulled up to their destination. The last school campus she had been to was Coal Hill and she squashed those memories before they could rear their ugly heads.

The Doctor led her to his office. It was a well-sized room with books lining the walls and a sturdy wooden desk in the middle. Behind it was a window that looked into a courtyard where students were sitting and laughing with friends. His desk was piled with papers and folders and a computer monitor was perched slightly off balance on the edge of the left side.

“Well this is where I am most of the year” the Doctor said “However, after this semester is over in a few weeks, and if you are still my assistant, then we will be spending lots of time in America.”

“Ah, meetings and projects then?” Clara asked.

“And interviews and whatever else nonsense I need to attend.” He waved his hand flippantly.

“Out here is your desk if you want to use it. You have access to the library and anywhere else, oh and…” he reached into one of his desk drawers and pulled out a lanyard “This is for you.”

The card in the plastic read ‘Doctors Assistant’ and had some official wording and numbering and a magnetic strip on the back. She pulled it over her head and wondered how many other people had done the same.

He showed her the desk that was right outside the doors of his office and drew a hasty map of where the library and cafeteria could be located. After, he had given her a stack of scantron papers to go and put through the machine.

\--

Clara stood at the machine feeding the test sheets in one by one. This was a familiar feeling, though she was glad it wasn’t her staying up until three in the morning grading tests. Clara didn’t miss teaching, not really. It was fun…for a while until he was gone. She had finished the semester with extremely well behaved students, they had all given her sad looks until the start of summer break. She was told by the administration that she could come back the following year if she wanted to, they were very kind. Clara didn’t go back.

Clara stood and stared blankly at the wall in front of her, rehashing memories that were so faded in feeling that they no longer stung, but left an ever growing hole in her chest.

She was startled out of her stupor by a woman’s voice.

“Hello! I haven’t seen you around here before, I’m Helen Gallagher.” A tall blonde woman said with a smile and an American accent. She stuck out her hand.

Clara took the woman’s hand “I’m sorry, I was just standing there spacing out. I’m Clara Oswald the uh…Doctors assistant.” She said.

“Ah! Well welcome!” Clara could see a flicker of knowing in the older woman’s face, but as they chatted Helen didn’t mention the Doctor or her position as his newest assistant.

“I hope you like it here! You’ve come in so close to the end of the semester and most have already gone away for the summer.”

“It’s a beautiful campus that I’ve seen so far. I haven’t gotten to explore just yet!”

“You should stop by my office on the BIO floor and I’ll give you the tour. I’ll show you all the hideaways to get away from the students.” Helen winked.

Clara laughed.

They continued to chat amiably until their conversation came to an end when Clara’s phone beeped.

**_Doctor – has the machine stopped working? Need scantrons_.**

Clara said her goodbyes to Helen and made her way back to her employer’s office.

\-----

Clara was sure that the Doctor didn’t notice her standing a little bit away from the doors, practically hiding behind a large potted plant. She watched him work, typing away, and pausing sometimes to hastily scribble something on a loose sheet of paper.

He is handsome. She lets that thought flit through. His more salt than pepper hair was nicely cut and he did look good in his horn-rimmed glasses when he wore them on his face instead of on his shirt. Clara almost laughed aloud when she recalled Amy’s voice over the phone ‘I’d fuck him’.

That was followed by a more sobering thought. Who exactly was the man she was working for? He was obviously rich and incredibly smart, but he went by The Doctor? That certainly wasn’t his name. Clara was beyond curious, but she shoved that hunger down.

She looked from behind the plant again. The Doctor rested his head on his hand, index finger on the temple as he wrote something down. He looked up, his eyes meeting hers and she quickly stepped behind the wall completely.

Clara took a breath and went to step out but instead ran directly into something solid. She gasped and dropped the test sheets. A cold hand grabbed her wrist to keep her from toppling over.

“I thought that was you!” The Doctor laughed, hastily letting go of her “What are you doing hiding behind plants?”

Clara’s face was on fire. She bent quickly to pick up the scattered sheets. He did the same.

“I thought I’d forgotten something. Just counting all the papers.” She lied effortlessly.

They stood and she handed him what was left of the stack.

“Do you want me to go get some lunch?” she asked before he could make a comment.

He glanced at his wristwatch.

“Let me give you my card.”

He pulled his wallet out of his back pocket, plucked his debit card out, and handed it to her.

“A sandwich, and a coke.”

“Got it.”

As Clara left, she didn’t see the Doctor stare at her retreating form with furrowed eyebrows.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: Those who are sensitive to depression and alcohol consumption. triggers ahead.

The next few days went by at about the same pace. Clara made phone calls and scheduled meetings and changed plans. She bought lunch and made coffee and copies. Her employer was distant and texted her when he needed her. Clara couldn’t understand why Amy had said he was a hard-ass, because from what she had seen, he wasn’t.

Clara worked all day and would go ‘home’ to her new flat and drink. At the beginning she had just downed whiskey until she saw triple, but she had graduated on to vodkas and rums. She had started drinking years ago to numb the pain, but now she drank because she felt almost nothing.

There were no pictures of Danny in the flat. They all rested in a box shoved deep in her closet in her old flat, and a zipped folder on her laptop. Clara had stopped looking at them long ago when she could no longer stand the pain of seeing his smiling face.

There was a hole in her chest where her heart used to be. It was deep and unrelenting. Sometimes when she wasn’t careful that darkness would spread through her and affect her entirely. Those were the nights when she drank until she couldn’t anymore.

She knew she needed help. She should have gone to grief counseling, but she had a job now right? And she didn’t drink on the job, no matter how tempted she was to bring a flask.

And him. The Doctor. He knew when she came in every morning that she was hungover. He knew she drank too much. But really he couldn’t say anything with that huge liquor collection, now could he?

Clara’s ring snagged in her hair as she was pushing it out of her face. She angrily ripped it out and threw it across the room.

Breathing hard she went to the kitchen and retrieved a large pair of silver shears from a drawer and found herself in front of the mirror in her bathroom.

She looked awful. Too thin, sunken bruised eyes stared back at her. What had she become? She didn’t even know who she was anymore.

Clara picked up a chunk of her too long hair. She wracked her brain trying to remember the last time she had gotten her hair cut. She couldn’t remember. Clara took a strand of hair that was beyond damaged and peeled the split ends into two pieces.

She tied her hair into a loose ponytail and with one clean snip, sheared it off.

\---

“There’s something different.” The Doctor pointed out to her the next morning as they sipped their coffee.

“Oh?” Clara shuffled around some papers in her folder, avoiding his gaze.

She could feel his sharp eyes boring into the top of her head, but thankfully for the moment, he let it go. She looked at the time on her phone and hustled them out the door.

“After you’re two-thirty class you have a meeting with…” She skimmed his schedule “Missy? No last name?”

If she hadn’t looked up as they were walking, she would have slammed right into his back. He turned and snatched the agenda book right out of her hands.

“I should have warned you about her.” he grumbled.

“Why? Who is she? I can cancel…”

“Oh no, she won’t have that.” He handed the book back to her.

He didn’t answer her question of who the woman was but he was already on the lift telling her to hurry up.

\---

The day was going by agonizingly slowly. Clara was more than efficient at her job and by one in the afternoon everything that had to be done for the day was.

She had asked The Doctor whether he wanted any lunch but he waved her away. Clara went off on her own, eating her meal from the cafeteria in one of the many sitting areas outside of the classrooms. She sat playing on her phone and a thought struck her.

She wanted to see him teach. The sudden need to do this was already making her stand up and move back towards his class room.

Clara stood outside the door. She could hear his voice through it, but couldn’t make out what he was saying. She could do this right? Just sit in for a little while in the back. She did work for him after all.

Clara gently pushed the door open and ducked through. He was facing a screen that allowed him to draw all over it with a stylus. The few students in the class were seated below and clustered together.

“One of the defining features of a black hole as you know is the presence of an event horizon.” He drew some lines and circles on the screen.

“This is a boundary in space-time where matter and light can only be forced towards the mass of it and nothing can escape, including light.”

He had turned and was excitedly gesturing with his arms and hands as he taught. Clara was surprised by the passion in which he spoke. The normally cool Doctor so alive and in his element.

“Now can you imagine a mass with a gravitational pull so powerful that it can suck up light?”

Some of his students shook their heads, and he went on.

Clara sat, absorbed by his voice and in the way he moved his body. She knew that she hadn’t taught her students with as much enthusiasm towards the end of her time at Coal Hill and she felt a pang of regret.

She pushed it aside and tried to focus on what he was saying. Most of the information he was spouting out went right over her head, but he made her want to know more. More about space, more about him.

The Doctor seemed to have the uncanny ability to pinpoint where she was exactly. As his students were copying down notes, he looked up and met her gaze. He gave her a fleeting smile and nodded.

He dutifully ignored her for the rest of class, as she would have expected. The Doctor began to talk about the upcoming exam and she felt it was her time to go. She slipped out of the room as quietly as she had come in.

“You must be Clara.” A voice said as soon as the door clicked shut.

Clara looked up, startled. A woman stood a few paces in front of her. She was as old as the Doctor at least and wore striking red lipstick.

“I am.” She responded hesitantly.

“Oh good, I’m Missy.” The woman held out her hand and smiled in a way that made Clara uneasy.

Clara shook it, but had a distinct feeling that she had walked into trouble.

“You’re lucky he didn’t kick you out. He hates being interrupted!”

“I wasn’t aware.” Clara responded coolly.

“Oh of course you didn’t dear! You are brand new! Though, it’s a matter of time before you screw something up.”

“Excuse me?”

“Oh I don’t mean anything by it! He is so careful about how he chooses his assistants. He must really like you.”

Clara stared at Missy not exactly knowing how to take her comments. Before she could respond, the door behind them banged open and students spilled out, rushing off to their next class.

The Doctor was the last to leave the room.

“Ah” He sighed when he came upon the situation “I see you’ve met Missy.”

“Don’t sound so vexed!” Missy laughed “Shall we go then?”

“I suppose.” He said apathetically. The Doctor gave Clara a long suffering look, but she knew it wasn’t meant for her.

“It was nice to meet you, Clara. I hope you stick around.” Missy quipped before she and the Doctor left.

Clara wanted to jump in a shower and scrub her skin raw. Missy left a slimy, exposed feeling after she left. The Doctor obviously was not happy to oblige Missy to a meeting. The way the woman talked about him…it seemed like she had known The Doctor on a more personal level than ‘colleague’.

A moment later Clara’s phone vibrated in her pocket.

“Don’t wait up for me. It’ll take all day for me to get rid of her.” She read aloud.

Clara sighed in his expense and dialed for a cab.

\--

“I don’t really see how he could have gone through so many assistants”

Clara and Amy sat a local café near Amy’s office, sipping leisurely at their evening tea. After Amy had screamed a little about Clara’s new ‘haircut’.

“He is pretty laid back, and a bit forgetful, but otherwise not at all difficult to work with.”

“Well it is only a trial week. You don’t know if he is going to get worse if he hires you.” Amy reminded her.

“I don’t know” Clara shrugged.

“Well” Amy said, smiling and wiggling her eyebrows “Gorgeous, isn’t he?”

Clara smiled “Yeah, just a bit.”

They continued on to chat about her handsome employer until Amy had to go back to finish up her work for the day.

“Call me if you need anything, and I mean anything” Amy’s face was serious.

“Don’t you worry about me” Clara reassured her best friend “I’m ok”.

They hugged and went their separate ways.

\---

Clara saw the newsstand as she was turning the corner. There was no way she could miss it. His face, The Doctor’s, all over TIME magazine. She hurried over and snatched up an issue, hastily paying the clerk.

It was a portrait shot of his face. Underneath it said

                  ** _The Doctor and why theoretical astrophysics_**

**_may no longer be theoretical._ **

Clara suddenly remembered what he had said in the car about secrets. This had to have something to do with it. Clara snapped a picture of the cover and texted it to the Doctor. He replied almost instantly.

_**Doctor: yikes, they really do show everything don’t they?** _

_**Doctor: I forgot to tell you. Prepare for a wave of interview requests.** _

She thumbed to the interview page.

**_The Nobel Prize winning astrophysicist named The Doctor_ ** **_sheds light on New research, and how they are discovering_ ** **_reality Altering phenomenon every day. We sit and…_ **

Clara skipped a page

                ** _TD: I wish I could tell you what we’ve discovered...b_** ** _ut I’m under a strict contract. Let me say that e_** ** _verything we thought we knew about faster than l_** ** _ight travel, and Einstein-Rosen Bridges a_** ** _re about to be re-written._**

 

The rest of the article went on about recent achievements and when the world could expect a reveal of this significant new scientific research.

Clara set her phone to follow #thedoctor on all social media websites. Her stomach turned as she realized she was about to become his newest PR manager as well as personal assistant.

\--

“You’re trending on every single news website, twitter, facebook, tumblr, reddit, you name it and you’re on it.” Clara pointed out the next morning “I’ve gotten over a dozen e-mail requests for an interview and even more phone calls.”

“Most people are calling you a mad man! That you couldn’t have possibly discovered anything that important. The internet is practically imploding with theories and even Fox News is talking about you!” Clara was in a tizzy, pacing back and forth in his kitchen.

“I know-“he tried to say

“I don’t even know where to start! We have to sit down and figure this out-…” Clara’s phone buzzed loudly and she groaned. “God, I need a drink.” She whispered under her breath.

The Doctor put his hands out in calming gesture.

“Clara, just take a breath.”

She glared at him before inhaling…and exhaling.

He raised an eyebrow “Better?”

She nodded.

She watched him walk over to his bar and grab one of his more expensive whiskeys. He came back and poured a shot into each of their mugs.

“I am not” he held up a finger “feeding your habit”. She let out a skeptical laugh before she could stop herself, and they both drank deeply.

“Now that your freak out is over-“He began.

“I did not-“

“Hush!”

Her mouth snapped shut.

“This is what we’re going to do. We’re going to be very, very selective of who I talk to. If someone is going to want to interview me it’s going to have to be in our interest.”

“‘Our’ interest? Who is it that you’re talking about?”

“Remember what I said about how I’m part of an independently funded group?”

“Yes.”

“I literally cannot talk about it with you, but we need money and we need to play the game.”

“And all this media attention…”

“Will get us the sponsors we need.” He finished.

There was a pause as Clara began to process all this.

He set down his mug with a loud clack. “I know what you’re thinking.”

She gave another skeptical laugh but he ignored it.i

“I know you’re thinking what the hell have you gotten yourself into. I know what you’ve heard, Clara, about how I wasn’t a particularly pleasant person to work with. There are reasons behind that…”

He paused to gather his words.

“I knew the first day you were working for me that….” He paused again.

“That what?” She asked, heart beating hard.

“Clara, we are about to wade neck deep in shit and I want you to be working for me. I want to hire you full time because you are the only person who can handle it.”

“The trial week isn’t even over…”

“You’ve done better than I had ever hoped for.”

Clara felt her chest swell a little at that, but she forced herself to remain calm. She couldn’t answer him. This was beyond crazy, and he was absolutely right. What the hell had she just walked into? She should have known since the car, and the flat. She should have ran, but now she had a decision to make and she was keenly aware that it would shape the rest of her life.

“I don’t even know…what’s going on.” She said at last.

“I know.”

There was another long pause and they both looked at anything else but each other.

“I don’t even know you and…”

Her words trail off as he takes a step closer to her. Clara is very aware of how close they are even though he was still more than an arm’s length away.

“Clara, I’m asking you… to trust me.”

His eyes bored into her and the expression was so raw, so exposed that she had to tear her gaze away.

She would regret it forever if she said no.

“Okay, I-“she swallowed “I trust you”.

He sighed deeply “Thank you.”

 

They spent hours poring over all the e-mails and invitations that been sent. National Geographic, Science Today, BBC, everyone wanted him.

“How did you even land an interview with TIME?” she asked him, baffled and flipping through the papers that were spread over the coffee table.

“I know a guy who knows a guy.”  He mumbled, not paying attention to what she was saying. He shoved his glasses up onto his head and rubbed at his eye.

Clara threw the paper she was holding onto the growing pile on the floor. Final decisions would be made tomorrow, and by the look of things they would be booked at least four months in advance. New York dominated and from what the Doctor had told her that’s where the lab was located.

The Doctor dropped his hand from his face and handed an invitation to Clara.

“We have to attend this.”

_You are formally invited to_

_Rochester Williams_

_Annual fundraising event_

“Donate money, receive support for top secret scientific research.”

“That’s the gist of it”

“Oh, Doctor, you’ve just gotten an e-mail from Neil deGrasse Tyson. He says he is in town and wants to have lunch.”

“Tell him tomorrow at noon if he wants.”

She responded to his e-mail and a few more before setting her laptop down.

“It’s time for some lunch, don’t you think?” The Doctor said rubbing his temples. They were both exhausted. Clara was going to suggest some take-out but his phone rang and he hurried away to answer it.

She took that moment to reply to Amy’s insistent texts.

_**Amy: what the hell is going on???**_

_**Clara: I barley know!! He didn’t even tell me about it!** _

_**Amy: this is insane! You’re in a media shit-storm!** _

_**Clara: I knowww. We’re handling it.** _

_**Amy: you’re going to quit right? Like hell you should be expected to deal with that.** _

_**Clara: ‘fraid not. I’m in it for the long haul** _

It was true. She was in it till the end, where ever that might lead her. Clara watched the Doctor pace outside on the patio. He was waving his free arm around and shouting into the receiver. It didn’t look pleasant.

Clara thought about what would happen if she quit. He would be left alone to deal with everything until he hired someone else. She would probably never see him again, and what would she go back to? Settle down in the country and do what? There was nothing for her. This, right now was her reality.

Clara stared at him. He was a stranger to her but he had given her something. It was not her life, because no one could save her but herself. It was hope. Hope and excitement for her future that she hadn’t felt in years.

Clara’s heart swelled as she watched him. She would stick it out until whatever the end came to be, because wasn’t this an adventure?

Clara’s phone buzzed in her hand.

_**Doctor: your hair** _

Clara laughed and looked up. He waved from the patio.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: Those who are sensitive to depression and alcohol consumption. triggers ahead.
> 
> Did y'all see the new episode? This season is going to be fantastic.

It was a lucky break that Clara had been renting her flat on a monthly lease. She informed her landlord that she would be moving out shortly and had signed all the papers.

She secured a storage unit for the possessions she wasn’t selling. Within a few days she had packed up everything that was going to storage, and the things that would be coming with her to her new flat. Clara sold her bed, couch, and coffee table for less than they were worth just to get rid of them, but she still made a few hundred pounds and felt relief at having emergency funding.

Clara gingerly picked up the red photo album. The only album she didn’t hide up in her father’s attic. She felt over the embossed front with the tips of her fingers, following the patterns of swirls. She slid her hand underneath the cover, pushing it over to reveal the first page of pictures. Clara had seen them thousands of times before but it still did not prepare her for the heartache.

She looked at every one of them. The details of their clothes and the way he smiled, his haircuts and scowls. She plucked her favorite picture of them out, a candid moment that Amy took one evening. Clara was facing away from him, taking a drag on a cigarette and he sat to the left of her, holding her hand and staring intently at her face.

Clara couldn't recall what conversation they were having or which party that was exactly. She put the picture between the pages of an old favorite book and stuffed the album deep into a box. It hurt too much to keep the whole thing around.

\-----

Every liquor bottle in her new flat was on the coffee table. The obvious ones, the hidden ones, and even the one she kept in the bathroom were all there. They ranged from the cheapest gin to the most expensive scotch. Hundreds of pounds worth of alcohol.

There was no way she could quit cold turkey, relapse was certain. She could, however, moderate her consumption. Withdrawals were sure to happen but she knew they wouldn’t cross over into hallucinations or seizures. Alcoholic she may be, she hadn’t been drunk all day, every day.

Somewhere in the back of her mind a voice shouted that she should go talk to someone, attend AA, anything, but she shoved that voice down. Moderation, she repeated to herself.

She plucked out her favorite whiskey, and best rum and shoved the rest into a cardboard box.  
Clara absolutely could not bring herself to pour it all down the drain, so she was going to give it away.

There was only one person she knew who would take it.

Clara picked up her box, which was much heavier than it looked and made her way to the lift.

She pressed the button on the call box for the Doctors pent house.

“Yes?” his voice came through

“It’s me. I have something for you.” She said.

There was a beep, and a bing as the doors slid open. The smell of roasting garlic and onions wafted through immediately, followed by the sound of sizzling.

“In the kitchen.” He called out.

She walked around the corner and deposited the box on the far counter.

His back was turned to her as he chopped some greens on a board. Whatever cooking smelled delicious, and she was faintly surprised that he did cook.

Some Brazilian music played softly from across the dimly lit dining room.

“Want some dinner?” He asked without turning around.

Clara hopped onto one of the barstools. “Sure”.

He turned, hands full of parsley and paused only a moment before sprinkling it into the pan.

“I see a box of liquor” he noted, stirring “You can’t just stop drinking.”

“I know…I saved a few bottles for myself.”

There was a silence that was filled with the sounds of his spatula scraping across the pan.

“What are you cooking?” 

He perked up at the question. “Pork chops with grilled onions, and some pasta.” He motioned to the boiling pot.

“I didn’t know you were the cooking type.” She said playfully.

“Oh? What type did you think I was?”

She smiled “Oh I don’t know, the type to have a fridge full of condiments and leftover takeout.”

“Ha! Typical bachelor behavior. Do you cook?” he inquired.

It was her turn to laugh “Oh no! I tend to horribly burn whatever I try to cook, though I can bake a little.”

“What do you bake?”

She grimaced “Well I’ve tried many times at a soufflé recipe, but I can’t quite make it work.”

He chuckled and Clara’s heart beat a little quicker.

There was a comfortable silence.

“I think we’re ready” he said plating up the food “Oh, I almost forgot.” He skipped to the fridge and returned with a champagne bottle and some flutes.

“Not cold turkey” he repeated, wrapping a dish towel around the top of the bottle. He twisted and there was a soft pop.

He poured, and Clara brought the glasses over to the dining room table. She sat, and put down the plates sitting in front of her.

The Doctor raised his glass.

“What shall we toast to?” she asked

“Why don’t you decide?” he looked at her in a way that made her feel feather light.

“To” she pursed her lips “new beginnings”

He smiled “To new beginnings”

\-- 

“Clara”

The Doctor leaned against the lift doors to keep them from closing.

“I always have my phone with me.” He said. ‘Call me if you need me’ was left unsaid. 

“Okay” she gave him what she hoped was a reassuring smile.

His lips twitched up and he leaned around, and pressed the button for her floor.

“Goodnight Clara”

“Goodnight Doctor”

He watched her until the doors slid shut.

\--

It was four in the morning when Clara woke from a nightmare. She was covered in a sheen of sweat and she trembled violently. Images of the dream stuck with her, circling through and blending together into mass that was already fading.

Stumbling out of bed, she crawled slowly to her bathroom. She retched nothing but bile. Dry heaves shook her thin frame, and tears streamed down her face.

She had dreamt of a consuming fire, burning up everything she touched. There was screaming as the people she loved, living and dead, burned around her. Memories of the Doctor swam through her minds eye, and she could swear she could still hear him calling out to her.

“Clara!” he yelled.

She tried to respond, to do anything.

“Clara wake up!”  His muddled voice became clearer.

And her body was shaking and her head compressed.

“Clara!”

Her eyes fluttered open.

The Doctor was there in front of her, holding the sides of her head in his hands. He stared at her, eyes wide, eyebrows up.

She could barely hold herself up. Her limbs felt like lead, and she couldn’t stop shaking. He was saying something to her, but her ears had begun to buzz and black spots appeared in her vision.

He was pressing something against her lips.

“What?” she forced out.

“Clara you need to take this right now.”

“What is it…” she whispered.

“It’s a benzodiazepine. Chlordiazepoxide, to be exact. You’re going through withdrawals and you need to take this.”

The word withdrawals hit her hard. She opened her mouth and he pushed the pill between her lips. Still holding the side of her head, he helped her take a swig of water.

The next second and he was scooping her up off the bathroom floor and placing her back into her bed.

“Clara listen to me.” He said to her, gently smoothing her hair back from her face.

“mmm?”

“You’re going to be ok.”

She nodded, slipping into unconsciousness.

\--

Clara woke with a start. Her face was pressed against the tile on the bathroom floor in such a way that when she pulled her head up it she was sure she removed the top layer of skin. Clara slowly raised herself into a sitting position. Her head swam for a moment and she breathed deeply until the worst of it subsided. She smacked her lips together and grimaced, cupping her hands under the faucet she drank until her stomach complained.

She didn’t dare look at herself in the mirror she knew she was a wreck. She collapsed into bed, and grabbed her phone off of the night table. Seven forty-five in the morning it read. No new messages.

It had just been a dream. She had dreamed of the Doctor. If she weren’t so exhausted she could have cried. Clara knew she didn’t have any medicine to take for the tremors, she didn’t think it was that bad…

Her eyes popped open. Clara grabbed at her phone which was vibrating loudly on the bedside table. It was only her alarm for the day, and she violently pressed the snooze button. She slept until it went off again, and she forced herself to get up. Her head was absolutely pounding as stripped and took a cool shower which helped take the edge of what she hoped wouldn’t become a migraine.

Her hands shook as the morning progressed. She had to concentrate harder on pouring water into a glass than she liked. She needed some breakfast. Actual food, not a snack or a pop tart.

There was some bread and peanut butter she had picked up from the store a few days ago, and some toast sounded nice. She sat at the small kitchen table and browsed her phone while chewing slowly on her breakfast. Chugging water was helping with her headache some, but she could still feel it faintly pulse in her temple.

The twitter feeds that were popping up were not making her feel any better either.

  **He has to be lying it is impossible what he is talking about #thedoctor**

  **@time has gone off the deep end #thedoctor #wth**

**I want what he’s on #wtf #thedoctor**

**@nasa is it true?? Is he right? #thedoctor**

**Who the hell is this asshole? #doctorwho**

Clara laid her head on her arm. Next week they were going to be in New York City doing god knows what. There were many, many interviews and critics to respond to.

A text binged her phone

  _ **Doctor: Going out to lunch with NDGT. Meet at my place @ 4:30?**_

_**Clara: see you then.** _

Clara left her half-eaten meal at the table and grabbed her laptop. There was a curiosity that had been nagging at the back of her mind for days. She thought of that last hashtag; Doctor who indeed.

Google was almost useless. As soon as she typed in his name, the news feeds erupted cycling every few seconds. Everyone was talking about him.

The third search result down was his Wikipedia page.

And there was little to no personal information available. No birth date, no real name, no childhood or relatives…it was like the man had appeared out of thin air. She couldn’t even imagine him as a child, he just came to be as a fully grown adult. 

There was a list of his accomplishments and awards, past projects he had worked on and shows he had appeared on. One was called _At the Speed of Light_ which was apparently a documentary type television series that talked about theoretical science. It seemed that this was a life obsession with him, and what had he said in the article? Everything they thought they knew was about to change? What was it? What did they discover?

Clara searched YouTube for a clip of him in the documentary. It was the first video, so it must have gained massive amounts of views since a few days ago. She clicked on it and it started off like every other space show created by the Discovery Channel, spacey-music and cool looking computer generated animations.

_“One of the most fascinating theories out there is that of the wormhole.”_

The Doctor appeared on screen with his title that simply read, The Doctor, PhD Astrophysics.

_“A common question that stems from the popularity of science fiction, is can you travel through a wormhole? The answer is maybe if you are traveling at the speed of light.”_

It cut to a simulation of a wormhole that was a spinning funnel and connecting in the middle like a long tube.

_“After the wormhole forms between two points in space-time it rapidly starts to collapse. Travel, even at the speed of light would be extremely risky. It’s all hypothetical though, a naturally forming traversable wormhole has never been observed.”_

The clip ends there, and Clara doesn’t read what the comments are saying below.

She re-watched his TED talks about a bonding particle that they had accidentally created in a lab. She watches almost everything available on YouTube. She has a better idea of what some of his projects may be, but she has nothing on who he is. He has obviously disconnected himself from his past so completely that no one was able to identify who he once was.

A thought struck her. She is the closest person to him at the moment. There was a reason why he was hiding his past and there would be a lot more people trying to look into it.

Did he not say that there were people who would kill for the secrets he was keeping? She felt nauseous at the thought. Clara went through all of her accounts and reset the passwords. She disabled her Facebook and any other social network that was able to track her.

It was four forty-five by the time she was done. Clara slowly got to her feet and made her way upstairs.

\---

The doors slid open and she saw the Doctor standing on the balcony. Though she couldn’t hear what he was saying, he was obviously shouting. He moved the phone away from his ear and made a sharp motion like he was going to throw it over the edge, but he stopped himself.

Clara decided to leave him to stew and get herself some tea. The kettle was boiling by the time he came inside and she was shakily pouring herself a cup.

He didn’t say anything when he saw her, but he stepped a little closer into her personal space than usual.

“You’ve never done this before, have you?” he asked slowly, calmly as if not to startle her.

He saw her shaking hands and gently placed his over them. Pushing down, he made her set the kettle on the counter.

“God, I’m Doctor Idiot!” he fumed.

He left her standing, bewildered, as he stormed off, muttering obscenities under his breath.

A minute later he was back, holding a prescription bottle. He handed it to her.

“It’s a benzodiazepine. Chlordiazepoxide, to be exact. You’re going through withdrawals and you need to take this.”

Clara was struck with an extreme sense of déjà vu.

“You don’t have a history of seizures do you?” he asked.

“I don’t.”

“Take these two times a day until they’re gone. Are you on a taper schedule?”

“Yes.” She said reading the label on the bottle. It looked like he had taken half the pills out.

She popped the top open and swallowed one. Either he had, or someone he knew had done this before.

“Wait an hour to have your first beer. How many are you drinking tonight?”

“Two.”

He looked satisfied.

Clara shook the bottle a little. “Thank you for these, truly. But…” She looked at him “Doctor, why do you care so much?”

He looked taken aback. “What do you mean?”

“I mean…I’m practically a stranger, I work for you and you care…so much about…me.” She rubbed the palm of her hand nervously.

“Is that a crime? To care?” he asked gently.

“No, no.”  Clara stared hard at his shirt.

He waited a moment “Then what’s the problem?”

“I don’t know? This is all going so fast…”

“Clara, stop trying to control everything. Accept that there are some things you just can’t predict.” The Doctor took the kettle and poured himself a cup.

Clara was silent.

He sighed. “These next few weeks are going to be very, very hectic. There are going to be situations that will be completely out of control in every way”

He stirred his tea “You’re going to need to be ready for that.”

“What if I’m not? What if I’m not ready?” She said, a little more crossly than she meant to.

He had been expecting that response. “You’re a smart woman Clara. Smart and damn strong. I know you feel like shit right now, but look at you. You’re here. You’re _alive._ ” The Doctor put a strong emphasis on that word.

“You may feel dead inside, but now your life is changing rapidly around you. You either change with it, or fall to the wayside, and I don’t think you’re the type of person to just let that happen.”

He was right. Absolutely right, but it still hurt to hear those words. Clara fought back tears and won.  She took a deep shuddering breath.

“Clara,” he spoke her name softly.

“You’re right but…”  Clara sat on one of the bar stools, feeling weary.

“But...”

“But if we’re going to be a team, if I’m going to be involved with whatever is going on, I need to know more than I do. You can’t tell me what it is that you’ve discovered and there are people out there that would kill to know? It isn’t exactly legal, what you’re doing is it?” Clara forced herself to look him in the eye. She hoped her seriousness about the situation was getting through to him.

He leaned back against the adjacent counter, regarding her with a blank expression.

“You’re not wrong, Clara, but there are things I can’t tell you.”

“For my own safety?” she asked with more snark than necessary.

He narrowed his eyes at her “I could tell you that you’re perfectly safe if it let you sleep better at night. But it’s not true. I’d never put you directly into the line of danger, but I’d be lying if I said that there was nothing to fear.” He stepped forward “If I keep information from you it’s not because I think you can’t handle it, it’s not because I don’t trust you, it’s because we are sitting directly in the middle of a carefully constructed web of deceit and one wrong move will be the end of it.”  His voice had raised slightly, and he ran a hand through his silver curls.

“It is a necessity to keep secrets, and you are on a need-to-know basis.”

Clara nodded, digesting what he had just said. “So are we…literally partners in crime?” she meant for it to be a serious question, but it ended up sounding silly.

He huffed a small laugh, and crossed his arms over his chest. “In a manner of speaking.”

She nodded again.

“If you morally object to that, I’d understand if you wanted to go. There is still time.”

Clara looked at him sharply. He had blank expression, hiding how he really felt. Was she willing to break who knows how many federal laws in two countries for this man and his research? If someone had walked up to her on the street and asked her the same thing the obvious answer would have been ‘no’.

Of course she was going to stay.

“Are you kidding?” she gave him a light smile “you’d be a mess without me.”

He grinned at the floor, trying to hide his relief. The tension in the room dissipated and Clara was left feeling exhausted.

She slid off the stool. “I’m going to go lay down, thank you again.” She shook the bottle.

The Doctor nodded and Clara saw herself out.

 


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey y'all! sorry for the long absence! I got married! That is why I've been away. Everything went well and now life is settling back down to normal.

The paycheck was more than she had been expecting. In fact, it was more than three months wages working at Coal Hill.

She met Amy at the shops downtown, and they had lunch and chatted about everything under the sun.

“So America? A long romantic trip to the states!” Amy grinned and stabbed at her salad.

“Ha! Romantic? No. not at all. It’s strictly business.”

Amy smiled and nodded, “Gorgeous, isn’t he though?”

Clara took a bite of her food “Oh, absolutely.”

“What color are his eyes exactly?” Amy asked, batting her eyelashes.

“Mmm, like a stormy gray. In the light they almost look blue.”

“Oh god, you are so smitten!” she laughed and poked at her friend.

Clara swatted playfully at her hand “I am not!”

They finished eating and went to their favorite stores, trying everything on and spending only a little bit more than they should have.

“Clara look at this one! You can wear it for your sexy Doctor!” Amy called to her friend holding up a black lace lingerie set.

“Oh that’s pretty!” Clara said, taking it from her “And not for him!” she added when Amy made a silly face.

The rest of the afternoon continued on in this manner. Clara got everything she needed for her next few weeks in what she had been informed as ‘one of the hottest American summers’.

Her favorite item was a little black dress she had found on sale in one of her favorite shops.

“For the formal event we have to go to.” She had said to Amy.

“I’m worried…” Amy said, not looking at her.

Clara thumbed through blouses, waiting for her to continue.

“Do…hm” Amy stalled trying to find her words “Do you trust him?”

“Yeah…I do.”

“I love you, I’m scared for you.”

Clara reached over to her friend and took her hand in hers.

“I love you too. I promise I’m going to be okay. Do you trust me?”

“Of course.”

“Yeah” Clara smiled at Amy and squeezed her hand.

Amy laughed and wiped at the corner of her eye.

 

\-- 

 

Clara spent the next few days coordinating the Doctor’s schedule with different media outlets. They didn’t see each other, but she dutifully texted him the changes. The flight for America was booked for the next Thursday, and despite herself she was excited.

Clara took the time to take care of herself. She slept a lot, and drank a lot of water. Most times she felt a clawing desperation to take the edge off and wished she could drink something stronger than the taper beers. She toyed with the idea of going to but a pack of smokes but then that would just be another bad habit to wean herself off of.

She had to remind herself why she was doing this. She had to remember how sick she was of living inside of her own head, how tiring the void inside her was. To say fighting against the depression and grief was hard would be an understatement. It took every bit of her to muster the will to go on with cleaning out her system. It amazed her to think of how different she was two weeks ago. She had lived a lifetime since then.

Clara thought of the Doctor. He had not sugar coated anything for her, and she appreciated that more than anything. He had not treated her like a fragile doll, who with one stray word would shatter.

Clara didn’t want to place the man on a pedestal, he was human like everyone else, but it helped her to draw some guidance and strength from him.  Clara took pleasure in the thought that she would be sober and clear minded when they began their travels. It was going to be a test of wills ahead…

A thought struck Clara like a slap to the face. She had been inside her head for so long, so concerned about herself that she hadn’t even thought of what the Doctor must be going through right now. He had placed his entire career on the line for this project and the ridicule he must be receiving right now must be more than hard to take. She hadn’t even asked him how he was doing or if he needed anything. He didn’t seem like the type to talk about feelings that easily, but she had to offer at least. Had to tell him that she was there to talk to if he felt the need.

Clara got off her couch where she had been reclining and took a quick shower, making herself look presentable and headed upstairs.

 

She found him on the patio, looking through a telescope and into the sky. She tilted her head back. It was a clear night and you could see some of the brightest starts and the moon, but not much else. The city lights overpowered everything else.

Suddenly her bravery left her. Maybe it wasn’t such a good idea after all…they were hardly close. Clara turned to leave.

“Hello Clara.” He said, still looking at the stars “What brings you out here this evening?”

All of the things she thought of to say earlier slipped out her mind.

“Just needed some fresh air, that’s all.” She said as plainly as she could. Clara felt her cheeks burn from being caught.

He didn’t respond and after a minute Clara took a seat in one of the lounge chairs, tilting her head back to look at the moon. Time passed, and she watched him adjust small instruments on his telescope.

Clara was drifting off when his voice awakened her.

“Would you like to see Venus?” he asked

“Sure”

She got up and went over to where he was standing and he motioned for her to look through. She hardly had to bend over, the telescope was already adjusted for her. She looked but saw black.

“I don’t see it” she said.

“Stay there” The Doctor reached out his arms on either side of her, lightly adjusting the position of the finderscope. Suddenly the planet came into view and she gasped.

It wasn’t as clear as she hoped it would be, but still amazing. It was an orange crescent, part of it lit by the sun.

“It’s waxing” he said very close behind her. She could smell his cologne, a spicy masculine scent, and was trying very hard to concentrate on what he was saying.

“In two months, half of it should be completely lit up.”

She felt him step away and she looked through a moment more before doing the same. The Doctor was squinting up into the sky.

“Clara would you run to my desk and get my glasses? I left them on top of it.”

She nodded and left him looking through the finderscope. His office was adjacent his bedroom, and she pushed open the door and flicked on the lights. His office was styled the same as the rest of his living spaces; clean, chrome, and bare.

She walked around to the desk and picked up his glasses, but something that she hadn’t seen before caught her eye. On the corner was a simple black picture frame. The picture is what drew her attention, and she reached for it to get a closer look. There was the Doctor, smiling down at something while a beautiful woman with wild blonde curls kissed his cheek. She had never seen the Doctor smile like that, and she found it pulling at her heartstrings.

“My late wife, River.” Came his voice from the doorway.

Clara jumped and looked up. He stood there, leaning against the door frame with his hands in his pockets.

She felt hot with embarrassment. “I’m sorry” she said putting the frame down “I didn’t mean to be nosy”.

Clara felt a little shock to her system. ‘late wife’ he had said. He had been married and now he was a widower.

He pushed away from the wall “Don’t be” he responded, walking over to the desk and picking the frame up.

She didn’t say a word, just watched him look at the photo with a familiar sadness crossing his features.

“She was an archaeologist. Brilliant, in her field. This was taken a few days before the accident. We were in a mountainous area in Peru, and there was a rock slide…it was instantaneous, she felt no pain.” The Doctor gently placed the frame on the side of his desk.

Clara wanted to say she was sorry for his loss, but her throat had stuck itself together. She knew his pain deeply and intimately. Clara caught his eye, and hoped her understanding and sympathy reflected through.

“His name uh…” she began, but stopped as her voice wavered. Clara cleared her throat. “Danny, was…there was a car as he was crossing the road, and I had been on the phone with him.” She looked down at the desk and drew circles with her fingertip. “That was two years ago now.” She finished, unable to look at the Doctor.

He leaned across the desk and took her hand in his. He didn’t have to say anything. They stood together, mourning their lost loved ones.

“Come, I’ve more to show you.” He said, letting go.

 --

 

 

Clara barley saw him the next week. It was the end of the semester and he was finishing up with his students, and grading papers and final exams.

She was putting the finishing touches on their travel itinerary when her mailbox binged. Message from [missysofine@crzy.com](mailto:missysofine@crzy.com)

She sighed and clicked it open.

 

 

**Missy:**

**Obviously after the convention you’re going to have to schedule a press conference. Everyone is going to want to talk to the Doctor after what he is about to reveal… But he’s left you in the dark hasn’t he? Oh well I’m sure it’s for the best after all. Wouldn’t want you getting hurt or anything like that.**

 

A shiver went down her spine.

 


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is much shorter than I wanted it to be. It was a hard one to write, been struggling with writers block recently (mostly to do with the holidays -sigh- ) I haven't forgotten the story, I Promise!

They arrived at Heathrow at nine in the evening. Clara stepped out of the cab and inhaled deeply. The cool night air smelled of exhaust and jet fuel. She loved the airport, always had. To her it smelled of travel and freedom. Freedom to roam, and to leave behind everything. To become a different person maybe.

The departure zone was loud with the hustle and bustle of any major city airport, and the sound of jet engines rumbled overhead.

Clara buzzed with excited energy as the hauled their luggage to be checked. Clara and the Doctor chatted about what the weather was going to be like in New York as they went through security.

The two sat near their boarding gate, watching the airplanes taxi on the runway. Low voices hummed tiredly around them. The seats were filling up with people and families. International flights were always packed full.

- 

The sun had long set by the time they boarded, the Orange and purple sky bled into an inky darkness. First class was more luxurious than she expected. Large comfortable leather seats, and an LED screen. Cup holders...

They stowed their luggage and made themselves comfortable. Clara took the window seat and stared out into the darkness. Despite her excitement, her stomach clenched in anxiety.

The thought of clowns dancing on the wings of the plane would have made her laugh but she couldn't feel the humor. What was the common fear? Afraid of releasing control? Flying at hundreds of miles per hour in a metal tube that someone else was steering? Dread trickled down her spine and Clara leaned back into her chair and closed her eyes. It wasn't long before the shuffling of the other passengers boarding was done. Clara listened to the flight attendants safety spiel and kept her eyes shut.

She felt if she were to see what was going on, she would actually spiral into a panic attack.

Clara took deep, steadying breaths as the plane turned and lumbered onto the runway.

They began to accelerate and the rumbling g-force pressed on her chest, holding her against the chair.

She moved her hands from her lap, grabbing the armrests and squeezing tightly as they became airborne.

 

It was only minutes before the plane righted itself again but to Clara it seemed to be so much longer.

She still had her eyes squeezed tightly shut when she felt his hand on hers.

 

"Clara, you're grabbing my arm very tightly." The Doctor said gently to her.

Her eyes snapped open and she looked at what she thought was the arm rest was actually his arm, and her grip was so tight on him that her knuckles were white.

She let go of him immediately.

He chuckled.

 

\---

 

Clara fell into a fitful sleep and dreamt.

 

She floated in nothing. There was no ground, no sky. She floated through a black mass. A material or, no, the mass itself was silken and cold. All consuming she glided through it until she hit liquid universe. The liquid itself was alive and reflecting all the stars and planets that was, that would be. Vertical, the liquid sucked her in and she could feel space time itself. Not a river or a line, but a spiraling collection of ever changing events. Alternate timelines skirted the outside and she knew what infinity felt like.

Clara's body was about to slip under when a hand wrapped around her upper arm and yanked her with a godly force back into consciousness

 

Clara awoke with a gasp that she could not verbalize. It choked, and died in her throat and she looked sharply to the right, seeking out an anchor in this world.

 

She met the Doctor’s eyes staring straight into her, seeing all, knowing all...

 

And the moment passed and he asked her "are you alright?" With an expression she couldn't interpret.

 

"A nightmare." She whispered, eyes wide.

It was fading already, slipping through her mind like sand through fingers. Though the image blurred, her consciousness clung desperately to the disassociation she was feeling.

 

\--

 

The rest of the flight passed normally. Clara watched the movie that played on her LED on the back of the chair in front of her, and ate the horrible plastic tasting airplane meal.

 

She dozed but was too wired to really fall asleep again.

Clara looked over at the doctor. She took the moment to take in as many details about him as she could while he slept.

He was leaning back in his chair, neck pillow firmly in place. His hands were loosely clasped together in his lap. Noise canceling earbuds played what she imagined to be white noise, or pure static even.

 

She committed all of his wrinkles and features to memory. His eyebrows, his fluffed gray hair, and the almost angry expression he made while he slept.

 

Clara frowned as she remembered that he was her boss. The way they interacted with each other made it seem like they were friends really. If it were anyone else their relationship would be absolutely inappropriate.

Clara leaned her head back against the chair. She took a deep steadying breath to stave away the craving for drink and stared out the small window.

 

\---

 

They landed in New York City at 2:30 in the morning. The air was stifling hot and humid as they stepped out of the arrivals terminal and Clara was already sweating.

 

"It's even worse during the day." The Doctor said to her as she pulled on the collar of her shirt.

 

"Ugh" was her response.

 

He chuckled “Welcome to America”.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Holidays everyone!

His apartment in Manhattan was just as incredible as his penthouse in London. It was much smaller but just as beautiful, well lit, and with two bedroom, two bathroom luxury. They got themselves settled in the apartment, preparing for the incredibly busy week to come. The Doctor didn’t have any interviews or statements to give before the convention but had a full schedule set out for after the event. He stayed out of the apartment, off on whatever business he had, and Clara spent some time to herself.   Sooner than she would have liked, the day of had arrived.

Clara stood by the large window and gazed at New York City, twinkling in the wee hours.

“Good Morning” the Doctor said, coming up behind her and passing her a steaming mug of coffee.

“Mmm” he mumbled, taking a deep drink.

“Ready for today?” she asked.

“Yes”

 

\---

The convention was absolutely buzzing. Tables and demonstrations had been set up throughout the hall and thousands of people wandered around marveling at the display of technology that they only ever saw in sci-fi.

Clara, like the awe-struck public, also gazed in wonder at the medical machines, high-functioning robots, full scale models, and display screens. There was so much _more_ than she expected. So much passion and genius gathered in one building.

There were teams from MIT, Harvard, WPI, CMU, USC… students gathered around together talking excitedly to one another. As she passed she heard them mention his name ‘The Doctor’. Half of them had their phones out, taking pictures and selfies.

She watched small demonstrations of super magnets, humanoid robots, robotically controlled surgical technicians, and of inventions she couldn’t even begin to understand. 

She wandered, listening and reading, absorbing all the new information that was being fed to her. She was watching a 3D printer print live human tissue when the murmurs started. His presentation was starting soon and most people were making their way towards the auditorium.

Clara followed the crowd in and waving her lanyard around, sat in one of the many VIP seats in front of the stage. She answered e-mails and correspondences while she waited, trying to keep herself calm. Clara had no idea what was about to be presented to the world. Her heart beat faster thinking about him showing the world something new and fantastic.

Soon enough a man walked onto the stage and began to talk about the history of the scientific community and what would be up next and within the next few days.

 

"And now, the man who the world has their eye turned, The Doctor!"

 

Deafening, ecstatic cheering erupted from the crowd as he walked onto the stage. He waved and smiled and waited for them to settle down.

 

"Good evening everyone. No doubt that you are extremely curious as to what I have up my sleeve..." The crowd cheered again

 

"First" he said talking over them "We have to explain some basic concepts."

 

He turned to the display screen behind him and clicked a button on the small remote in his hand.

 

The screen showed an image of a spiraling mass with a dark center

 

"Einstein-Rosen Bridge, or better known as a wormhole."

 

He clicked again and the mass spun and turned itself sideways to reveal a large opening and tube connecting identical ends.

"Theoretically, a traversable wormhole is impossible. High levels of collapse, radiation and exotic matter make wormholes incredibly dangerous."

The screen showed an object point moving through the tube and a sudden collapse, effectively crushing it.

"That's all well and good, but what is the point exactly?" He paused and took a step.

 

"Imagine a wormhole as a shortcut through space-time allowing instantaneous travel from one point to another. Faster than light travel."

 

The screen showed a beam of light moving outside of the tunnel and an object moving within. The object moved faster, reaching the end of the tunnel before the beam of light.

 

He went on "obvious questions would be if simulated, how would you keep the bridge from collapsing? Protecting the object from radiation and unknown matter? How would this hole in space time alter the object?"

 

"How would we answer these questions? A wormhole has never been observed in our universe. It is a theory, never proven."

 

As he explained, two assistants rolled out some machines on hollow tables, situating them in precise locations on the stage and began connecting different cables and wires.

 

"What we have here is an experiment in general relativity." The Doctor smiled, excited.

 

The machines were hollow circles two feet in diameter and made from different metals and plastics. Wires stuck out in every direction and to her eye, it looked unfinished.

 

"Ready" one of the assistants said moving offstage.

 

The doctor turned to the machines and flicked several switches. There was a loud whirring and he turned to the laptop situated off to the side and typed for a moment.

 

Two thin mechanical arms emerged from the other side of the hollow centers and clicked together like a spark lighting tinder, and suddenly a blue whirling mass flickered into existence. The mechanical arms hooked themselves onto the side of the dark center and pulled outward.

 

The machines made a noise like wind funneling through but muffled by something unseen.

 

The doctor turned to the silent audience.

 

"Ladies and gentlemen. May I introduce you to the Einstein-Rosen Bridge."

 

The cheering and screaming from the audience was unbelievable. The cameramen who were recording the presentation live turned to each other with wide eyes and open mouths.

 

The Doctor looked right at Clara, It was only for a second, and he grinned and waited.

 

Clara had an idea of what they might have created but she never expected this. She gasped with the rest of the audience and almost immediately her phone started buzzing in her pocket.

 

She stared wide eyed at him as he moved across the stage, not able to comprehend the ramifications of what was happening in front of her.

 

"Eventually the Doctor held up his hands and everyone quieted down to a low murmur.

 

"Now a demonstration." He said as an assistant handed him an apple.

 

He took a bite of the red delicious and turned his back to the audience. Holding his right hand out towards the machine on the right he threw the apple with his left hand towards the dark center of the left wormhole.

 

The apple disappeared as if he threw it through mist.

 

Instantly, the apple flew out from the other wormhole opening and into the doctor’s outstretched hand. It was silent in the auditorium as he faced them, and he turned the apple to reveal his bite mark on the other side.

There were gasps and outright shouts as they realized what had happened.

The Doctor held his hand up for silence as the assistants turned the machines towards each other. The profile view of the wormholes were completely flat except for the machine arms themselves.

The Doctor grinned at them and rolled up his shirt sleeve. He was handed a long protective glove and he slipped it on and snapped it into place. He positioned himself in front of the machine on the left and bracing himself, slowly pushed his hand through. His fingers emerged outstretched from the wormhole adjacent from him, then his palm, his wrist and finally his forearm.

He left his arm there for three seconds before snatching it back through.

The Doctor bowed and left the stage as chaos erupted.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Your eyes can be so cruel  
> Just as I can be so cruel"  
>  -Within You   
> David Bowie

Clara pushed her way backstage, waving her laminated ID around to get through the throng of people and reporters that had formed.

When she finally reached him, the Doctor was surrounded by a group of people who were all high fiving and shaking hands. One of the men had popped a champagne bottle and was pouring glasses.

“There you are!” The Doctor said smiling “Everyone this is Clara; Clara these are my team members, the best scientific minds this side of the galaxy!”

They cheered and clinked their flutes together.

They introduced themselves as the Drs. Patel, Richardson, Chekov, Zu, and Kincade. Two women and three men who were chatting quickly and excitedly about their successful demonstration and were throwing out scientific jargon that went right over her head.

She politely stood next to the Doctor as they laughed and buzzed with adrenaline. They eventually decided to go out drinking to celebrate. The Doctor had stayed behind to supervise the deconstruction and removal of the machines. The way his team members had acted, it seemed that it was common behavior for the Doctor to decline going out. Clara returned to the apartment, tempted but also ultimately declining the invitation to go out drinking.

She was still up when the Doctor returned. She had been responding to emails and inquiries and keeping track of the trending topics about him. Everyone was going off, which was to be expected. YouTube had hundreds of videos of the presentation already posted from those who were in the audience. News outlets were doing coverage of the Doctor every hour and updates from scientists and professionals about what ‘really’ had happened. #thedoctor was trending on every website, and Clara’s inboxes were being flooded.

Clara listened for the sound of his key in the door and her heart quickened when he finally came back.

“I thought you might still be up.” he placed his keys loudly on the fore way table.

Clara ignored him and kept typing.

The Doctor shed and draped his coat over the back of one of the kitchen chairs and stood quietly next to her.

She looked over at him and met his eyes. “Hi” he said softly.

“Hi” she responded.

Throughout the night Clara had gathered dozens of questions to ask him about…everything, but…

He reached forward and gently pushed her laptop screen down until it clicked into place.

“We need to talk.”

“Yes” she agreed.

He pulled out the kitchen chair next to her at the end of the table “You understand why now, that I couldn’t tell you what was going on. Why I had to keep it a secret from you.”

Clara shook her head “I wouldn’t have told anyone”

“No, I know you wouldn’t have. I had no choice.”

There was a silence, and Clara tried to gather some questions together, but she found that her mind was blank.

“There are…” she stopped and took a deep breath “I don’t even know how to process this”

He nodded sympathetically “I know”

One thing did come forward in her shocked mind.

“I didn’t know you had a team; I never realized”

“Oh yes, I hired them personally.”

He was still holding information back from her. “What else?” she asked

As if reading her mind he got up and walked to the kitchen “I can’t”.

He ended the conversation right there. So much for talking, he didn’t give her any answers, and even if she had asked she didn’t think he would have anyways.

“What now then? I’m being overwhelmed.”

“Set up a press conference for after the gala in two days. No doubt that the world is wanting to know what the hell is going on.”

Clara snorted “You’ve literally re-written every science book in the world. You’ve done the impossible.”

He ignored her and popped a mug of water into the microwave.

He didn’t look well “Are you alright?” she finally asked.

“Yes, I’m fine.” She wasn’t convinced. He gave her a look “What about you?”

“Fine” but she could tell he wasn’t either.

 

 ---

 

 

Clara didn’t see much of the Doctor over the next few days, or anyone really for that matter. The attention that he was receiving was absolutely unreal. Everyone wanted a piece of him. Clara responded to e-mails and phone calls constantly, scheduling appointments and interviews. Answering questions as vaguely as she could about the true nature of the machines that had been built, because really, she didn’t know the first thing about them. ‘Yes they were real’ and ‘No, they are not on the market’.

Clara had given the Doctor his own alert tone on her phone, and it chimed at her now.

**_D: Ready for tonight? Your invite is on the table. Meet you there?_ **

**_C: See you then_. **

 

She hadn’t forgotten about the exclusive ‘fundraiser’ that was happening tonight. She had pushed it to the back of her mind being so busy networking.  Clara stretched her arms over her head, trying to ease the tension out of her shoulders.

She poured herself a quick cup of coffee and hopped into the shower. Getting ready was always her favorite part of going out. Making herself look good was always a soothing routine. She blew out her hair with a small round brush, twisting the curls around her head. Makeup next; Smokey eyes and red lipstick. Finally the dress. It was a beautiful black silk number with a neckline that plunged down to her waist exposing the skin from her collar bone all the way down past her breasts.

Clara stared at herself in the mirror. She looked good, no, stunning.

There was a car waiting for outside, chauffer standing with the door open.

She was right on time, as there was a line of cars ahead of her with many of the well dressed, wealthy patrons making their way up the steps. A young man in a suit opened the door for her and she stepped out. Following the rest of the group, she handed her invitation over to the man at the door and made her way inside.

Decadence was an idea that she had little experience with, but there she was standing in a great hall with a huge domed ceiling and shining crystal chandeliers. Everyone was dressed exquisitely and chatting amongst themselves as live music played.

“You look incredible” the Doctor breathed into her ear. Clara felt warm to her core as he wrapped a hand around her waist.

“I didn’t see you.” She said, walking with him towards an unknown destination

They had barely made it five steps before the Doctor was whisked away by a very excited, well-dressed man.

 

'So it begins' he said to her before he went off. She found herself missing his warmth.

 

Clara was wandering towards the refreshments when she was intercepted by an unwelcome face.

 

"Ah Clara! Haven't seen you in a while." Missy said stepping into her path.

 

"What did you think of the Doctors little display there? Pretty fantastic wasn't it?" She continued before Clara could form a response "almost unreal. Almost too fantastic to be true."

 

Clara struggled to keep her face free of emotion.

"Are you inferring that it wasn't real?"

 

"Oh not at all dear! In fact I'd say that it's one of the greatest discoveries of mankind."

 

"I'd agree with you. Now if you'd excuse me." Clara moved around Missy.

 

"Where do you think he got the resources for that project? The money, the supplies? The lab, the testing space? Hm?"

 

Clara turned to face Missy. She hadn't deeply considered how the portals came to fruition.

 

Missy smiled, reading the confusion on Clara's face. "He didn't tell you did he dear; That he is securely pinned under my thumb?"

 

The revelation trickled down her spine and into her stomach, making it churn. If it had been anyone else Clara would have called them out on it but she had the distinct feeling of being caught in a web.

 

And Missy was the spider.

 

"Enjoy the party." Missy gestured around the room and left her standing there.

 

\---

 

She had been told privileged information for a reason that was unknown to her. Clara didn't quite understand what Missy’s end game was but it was clear that she was heavily involved in it now.

 

Clara had lost her appetite. She sat far from the refreshment table, eyeing the flutes of champagne.

 

Clara struggled with the need for it and moments later she found herself in front of the table. Only one, she reasoned. Only one, she reached out for the glass.

A hand gently clasped over hers, pulling it away from the alcohol.

 

Clara looked up at the Doctor. "I..." She began, but couldn't finish.

 

"Come, walk with me."

He pulled her hand, leading her away from the table and through the large archway.

 

There were random patrons and partygoers spread out through the museum. Talking and viewing the displays.

They wandered through the natural history area, observing the evolution of Homo sapiens. Clara's anxiety waned as she breathed in the scent of old preserved things and the stale velvety carpet under their feet.

She could hear a disembodied male voice talking through speakers when people pressed information buttons next to plaques.

 

She loved museums. Always had. It'd been far too long since she had last been to one and felt at ease exploring with the Doctor.

 

They hardly said two words to each other, content to observe in silence.

 

They passed natural history and modern inventions, contemporary history and an area with glowing tanks full of lively fish to finally arrive at what she surmised to be his favorite area, deep space exploration.

There were to scale models of off planet explorer bots and of Apollo 14. She read about the Milky Way on a beautifully clear plasma screen. Worldly ambient music played softly over the speakers to add to the atmosphere. Clara watched the slowly turning mobile of the planets circling around their gently glowing sun.

 

She imagined the Doctor coming up behind her, pulling her hips to his and kissing her neck. She could feel his hot breath against her shoulders and his hair tickling her back. So often had she pressed down these fantasies that it almost came as a shock to her, how much she wanted him.

 

Clara's eyes fluttered open and she inhaled deeply. When she turned from the display she met the Doctor’s intense gaze.

"Something the matter?" She asked, feeling flushed.

 

"Nothing, just thinking. Are you ready to go back?" He glanced at his watch "Presentations are about to start."

 

"Yeah I'm ready."

 

\---

 

It went as expected. Everyone had heard about the convention and wanted to talk to the Doctor. He was the most popular guest of the night and he did his part and mingled and charmed his way through the gala. He would occasionally pass notes to Clara with scheduled dates and phone numbers and she would take pictures with her iPhone and store them away dutifully.

She didn't see Missy the rest of the night, not even a glimpse of her hair or dress. Clara figured she had transformed into a snake and slithered away to whatever hole she came from.

 

 

They left together early in the A.M. Clara's feet ached and she was dying to take off her heels. The ride home was quiet and she dozed while watching the lights of the New York buildings pass them by.

 

They tiredly stumbled back to the apartment and said goodnight and went to their separate rooms. Clara flopped on the duvet and was asleep in a moment.

\--

Clara awoke with a start the next morning. She rocketed out of bed, frantically searching her briefcase, chasing a thought right down the rabbit hole.

“Yes!” she cried when she found the pamphlet she was looking for. Flipping through it she quickly found the Doctors convention page. She slid her finger down, down until she found what she was looking for.

At the bottom of the page

EPSILON

Google lead her straight to their webpage. A modern, cold looking website it described the company as ‘A leader in advanced robotics and science’.

She clicked through, looking for any other information besides the standard jargon and company goals and directions. Nothing else was useful.

Clara typed in ‘Missy’ and ‘epsilon’ into the search engine. At first there didn’t seem to be any information relevant to the two but then after some digging she found it. An old news article from 1999 posted on an old geosites page.

_“Sources say that a new CEO of the robotics tech company_

_Epsilon will be announced at the beginning of the fiscal year…_

_Some speculate that it will be Melissa Smith, the long-employed favorite_

_Of current CEO David Wiesen…”_

Of course. Of fucking course. Missy was CEO of Epsilon, and Epsilon employed the Doctor and his team. It was starting to make sense, but what was hidden? What was being kept secret? Something was wrong. The company did not need the massive amount of money they received from the gala the night before…why was the Doctor making so many public appearances? Appealing to the masses? Clara shivered. There was something going on here, and she knew with a feeling of dread, more was to be revealed.

 


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was exceedingly difficult to write. I'd like to thank everyone for your patience!

It took effort on Clara's part to not burst out with all the information she was sitting on.

 

"Good morning" the Doctor yawned, pouring himself some coffee.

 

Clara abruptly stuffed the Pastry she was gnawing on into her mouth whole.

"Gwrff mwrwrnnn"

He turned and cocked an eyebrow at her "Chew Oswald, chew"

She covered her mouth with her hand as she grossly worked on the poor pastry.

The corners of his mouth turned up in the barest hint of a smile before he turned and clicked the small kitchen TV on.

 

"I'm Mark Helton and this is your CNN morning weather report. Scattered showers are expected through most of the day until around six PM. Expect some heavy rainfall tonight with a good chance of thunderstorms between Ulster and Suffolk County....and now to you Shelly.."

 

"Thanks Mark. No update on what people are calling a 'miracle'."

 

Suddenly The Doctors picture appeared on screen.

 

"There has been no word from the Doctor on his newly created 'wormhole' that was showcased at the New York City Science Convention this past Tuesday. This is already being hailed as one of the most significant discoveries of Humankind...The Doctor is scheduled for a press conference later this afternoon where we  hope he will bring light to his findings…"

 

He pressed the mute button.

 

"Oh Enough"

 

 

 ---

 

 

A thousand flashes going off all at once blinded Clara as she sat behind the Doctor as he stood at the podium. Reporters and cameramen were everywhere, representing everyone from NASA to FOX News. They were all talking at once, yelling out their questions and holding up handheld recorders.

The Doctor seemed unfazed as he answered question after question.

 

“Does your team have anything else that they are working on?”

 

“Yes, however I’m not at liberty to say what that is at the moment.”

 

“Is there any danger to opening the portals?”

 

It what the public had started calling them. Portals.

 

“None at all in controlled environments.”

 

“Can humans travel through the portals?”

 

“That remains to be seen.”

 

It went on for another fifteen minutes until the last reporter was called on

 

“Can we expect more from your team anytime soon?”

 

The Doctor grinned “Yes.”

 

And that was it. More flashes and yelling of more questions but he was done and already walking away from the podium.

He was quickly followed by Missy and some well-dressed men that she didn’t know the names of. She bet they were from Epsilon and another company maybe? She wondered how many people were really involved in this.

Clara followed behind the rest of them.

 

 

“Oh, Clara” The Doctor said in that voice she called ‘I totally forgot something’ “I’ve forgotten some paperwork sitting on my desk, would you mind getting it?”

He tossed her his office keys and she made her way upstairs. His office was close to the top of the glass skyscraper. It was a nice office with huge plate glass windows showing off the Hudson. He really was fond of huge windows and brightly lit areas.

There was a manila folder sitting on top of the desk she gathered the papers and dropped the keys she was holding.

Sighing, Clara crouched down to retrieve them. She noticed the lock on the filing cabinet and before she could second guess herself, she was sticking one key after another into the lock, hoping that one would work.

It did, and she peeked her head over the desk to make sure no one was going to see her.

She slid the drawer open and thumbed through the unlabeled files, plucking a few out at random.

Two just held cut out articles of past mentions of Epsilon and his work, but the third file…

Clara gasped at the picture of a completely burnt arm, scorched black down to the bone. She squeezed her eyes shut willing down the nausea. She quickly put back the other two folders and shoved the one with the pictures into her briefcase.

She left the office quickly and met up with everyone downstairs.

 

\---

 

Kincade flashed her a dazzling smile “Are we going to take her to Arizona then, Doctor?”

He didn’t miss a beat “Of course.” But she could tell by his tone of voice that he wasn’t happy with it.

 

They had all gotten together for lunch after the conference. Clara found that she was enjoying herself with the enigmatic group of individuals that were the Doctor’s team. They often talked about things that she had no idea about, but they tried to keep her in the loop as much as possible.

 

Kincade was a gorgeous man with a smile to die for and she couldn’t help but feel a little excited by the attention he was giving her.

Patel laughed beside her “Pay no mind to him, Clara, he is just a man full of hot air!” she said in a heavy accent.

Richardson laughed at that.

“Ladies, why so cruel? You wound me!” Kincade made a dramatic gesture as if he really had been struck in the chest.

Clara smiled. They were showing off a little bit but she didn’t mind at all. It had been a long time since she had been in such a happy group.

Chekov and Zu rolled their eyes and grinned. They continued their conversation about (power sources? Clara guessed).

 

Clara would glance every so often at the Doctor. She couldn’t read his face, he kept it blank. When he smiled it didn’t reach his eyes.

They promised to take her to Arizona where the testing facilities were, and they told her about the different machines they were using and what that meant for their experiments.

“Did you know, Clara, that the opening of the wormhole is completely flat?” Kincade asked her, holding up his hands in a demonstration.

“The connecting bridge doesn’t even exist in this dimension!”

The Doctor excused himself from the table as Kincade went on. Clara noticed, and her excitement dimmed slightly as she continued to listen.

 

\---

 

 She thought he had gone out. For whatever reason she didn’t know he was still in the apartment. She had been collecting all the information she could get her hands on about Epsilon and everyone involved. Folders were spread across the countertops, open and inviting.

Clara didn’t know he was standing right behind her with crossed arms and angry, drawn together eyebrows.

“Clara” He said, loudly.

She jumped, her stomach sinking horribly. She whirled around off the barstool she was perched on.

He looked at her, like he always did. An expression she couldn’t pinpoint.

Clara couldn’t think of anything to say. She stared at him, waiting.

The Doctor rubbed his mouth with the tips of his fingers.

 

“Tell me what you know.”

 

“Uhh…”

 

He continued “I know you’ve been doing some sneaking around recently, don’t try to tell me you haven’t” he said when she meant to protest.

He looked at her expectantly.

“I know you work for Epsilon…” she was tentative. She’d been caught and she wondered if she should even bother to try and save her ass.

“I know that Missy is the CEO and she controls…a lot. I don’t know how far her influence runs, but it’s deep and significant. “

“I know about your arm.”

The Doctor nodded, taking all of this in. He was silent for too long.

“What?” she said, finding her patience had run out.

He drummed the countertop with his fingertips

Their eyes met.

“Clara…Missy isn’t the CEO of Epsilon. I am.”


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Explicit situations ahead.

Clara was struck speechless by his confession.

He went on “Missy works for me, everything she’s done to mess with you…I know about it. I didn’t want her to do it, but rarely does she listen to me.”

“You’re my personal assistant and you deal with all my personal relations, but not Epsilons. There is another, Tom who is our man media relations.”

“All the e-mails interview requests, you entire job has gone through Tom first.”

 

Clara gripped the back of the chair she was standing next to. She was hurt deeply by his words. Staring at her knuckles, she didn’t know what to say.

“Clara…”

“No…no” she breathed

She walked over to him, fury radiating from her.

 

“You let her play me!" She cried slamming her hands against his chest and shoving him as hard as she could.   
He took a step back.   
  
Hysterically, she went to shove him again "You knew exactly what she was doing!"   
He caught her by the wrists and she struggled against him "You son of a bitch!"   
  
"Clara listen to me!"   
  
"Why should I?!"  
  
"Please Clara I can't do this without you!"   
  
"You seem to be doing just fine! Your twenty steps ahead, you've got everything figured out!"  
  
Clara violently turned her wrists in his grasp, ripping them from his hands "I had no fucking idea! Did I?!" She shouted, backing away  
  
"I told you! I told you this was more complicated than...”  
  
"NO!" She screamed, cutting him off "YOU DONT FUCKING GET TO PLAY THAT CARD!"  
  
"I was on a need to know basis right?! WELL NOW I NEED TO FUCKING KNOW!"   
  
Her voice rang through the flat, broken and rough.   
He stared at her in a heavy silence, jaw clenching and unclenching.   


“Look at them!” Clara cried pointing at the files that were spilled out over the table “look at your arm! Your arm is burnt to the bone!”

Her voice was thick with panic as she pointed to the picture of his arm, black and charred. She was borderline sick with it, making herself not care about the gore.

“An-and and now look at you! You have an arm! How is that even possible?”

“Clara…” he tried to interject holding up a calming hand

“No! You-you are going to tell me what the hell is going on!

 

“I healed…”

“You should have lost it! They should have cut your arm off! BECAUSE THAT’S NOT POSSIBLE!”

“I DON’T KNOW! I DON’T KNOW CLARA!” He shouted, something snapping within him.

He turned suddenly, going to the kitchen and viciously yanking drawers open and closed until he found what he was looking for.  
Clara watched him, jumping slightly every time he slammed a cupboard.  
He finally pulled out a stethoscope and going back to her, held them out for her to take.  
  
"Take them."  
  
"Why shoul-..."  
  
"TAKE. THEM." He said with thinly disguised fury.  
  
She took them.   
  
He began to take of his jacket, throwing it to the ground before ripping his hoodie over his head.   
Clara held eye contact with him.  
  
He left his dark undershirt on and beckoned her over.   
  
"Listen" he said jabbing his thumb into his chest.  
  
A black, ominous feeling washed over her spine as she placed the earpieces in her ear. She got close to him, hoping to make him uncomfortable and placed the chest piece on him.  
She could hear the steady rhythm of his heart and counted the beats, then he placed his cold hand over hers and moved it down, down to center of his right lung.   
  
His heart began to beat faster...no. There were two.  
  
She looked up at him with wide eyes.  
  
"Two hearts." He said   
  
Clara couldn't properly understand what this meant. How was this possible?   
  
"What?" She mumbled.  
  
"Clara, I'm not human."  
  
Clara pulled away from him as if he burned her. The doctor placed his hands on her shoulders "Clara..." He tried to soothe but something inside her had shattered. She had finally reached her breaking point.

 

"What are you what are you what are you!" She cried struggling against his embrace. The stethoscope fell and clattered loudly on the floor.

 

"Clara...Clara..."

 

"What the hell is going on?!" She sobbed, frightened by his unhinged admissions.

The doctor held her close as she cried, resting his cheek on the top of her head.

She felt the drop of her blood pressure suddenly and the buzzing in her ears. He caught her as her knees buckled and he lowered them onto the floor. He rocked her gently as she cried.

 

"I don't know. I don't know." He whispered "I don't know what I am"

 

\-------- 

 

The deep rumbling of thunder woke Clara. She didn't remember passing out.

 

She was facing the windows in the living room, laying on her side on the plush rug. Lighting lit up the sky before a tremendously loud crack of thunder shook the apartment.

The lights went out less than a moment later and like a ripple in water, blocks of lights went out one by one until half the city was dark.

Clara sat up. Turning her head she saw the Doctor laying with his back facing her.

She shook him gently by the shoulder.

"The power is out" she croaked, throat sore.

He sat up slowly, curls pasted to one side of his head.

Lightning lit up his face and then the rain hit. It was an incredible downpour. Loud and spattering against the Windows in waves.

Clara had never experienced a storm like this. She had heard about how insane storms in America could be, but experiencing it herself was something else. It was terrifying.

"Don't worry" he said, voice thick with sleep "this is normal."

Clara stared at him as he stared out the window. Her thoughts were foggy and melding together in an exhausting way. _Nothumannothumannothuman_ ran through her mind until it no longer made sense to her. The Doctor was a mystery wrapped in an enigma. She realized that she wasn’t afraid of him, but was afraid that he would leave. Leave her here a blank slate, alone with nothing but a memory of him.

He looked at her then, expression soft. “I’d never leave you alone” he said gently.

Her heart skipped a beat “You can…you’re reading my mind?” she didn’t realize until she said it out loud, how ridiculous it sounded. But still, there was an air of truth to it.

He looked away, embarrassed. “I don’t actively try to…we just…well we have a very good connection, to put it mildly.”

“I’ve been having nightmares…dreams of things I can’t explain.”

“I know, it’s your minds connection with mine. It reaches out sometimes.”

Clara pinched the bridge of her nose. She thought of all the times she had fantasized about him in his presence, and felt exposed and sad.

The Doctor ran a hand through his curls, ruffling them back to life.

 

"Would you mind me showing you? You have so many questions, it would be a simpler way to answer them."

 

"Showing me? What like a straight mind-meld?"

 

"For lack of a better term, yes."

"Will it hurt?"

"No. Not physically, but there might be some mental discomfort."

He was offering to show her a part of himself. She was sure that was a big thing. There was fear, but on the surface she felt nothing but an aching numbness. She would do anything for him, she realized.

"Alright."

He gestured to the carpet

"Go ahead and lay on your side."

 

She did as she was told, laying down and folding an arm underneath her head.

He laid in front of her, his face lighting up as lightning flashed outside.

He reached out with his left hand, gently brushing her hair behind her ear.

He placed his fingertips firmly. Two on her temple, two above her eyebrow and his thumb locked firmly on her jaw.

She looked deeply into his eyes

"Ready?" He breathed

"Yes"

 

It was instantaneous. Electricity burst through her, spiraling and bright his mind reached out to grip hers. Feelings and emotions rushed in, hundreds at once and indecipherable.

 

It was a full shock to her system and her mind, in an attempt to protect itself, tried to pull back.

 

_"Take a breath"_

His voice echoed through

She complied forcing air into her lungs

 

_"Let go of control, you are safe here"_

 

She felt a hand smooth back her hair though he was not in front of her, he was all around her spreading a calming warmth, soothing fears.

 

She could smell flowers from her mother’s garden, and the scent of warm earth.

 

She let him in. It wasn't a conscious decision, but one that came from a deeper part of herself.

 

Struggle hit first. His struggle with the company and how he came to be in charge, years of study and bizarre phenomenon that she simultaneously understood and did not.

 

Missy Missy Missy she was there blocking his every move causing chaos and doubt. He cut her off, keeping her in the dark.

 

Laboratory and particle accelerators. Machines that glowed and chemical compounds that when mixed would produce extraordinary things. Faces that she recognized and new ones flew by shaking hands Nobel Prize.

So many long nights, alone alone alone…

Doubt, so much doubt. About self, life, anger and confusion. Depression sadness. Staring, staring at himself in the mirror. Shattered blood and glass. Golden sparkling healing, wounds knitting themselves together.

 

More lab work and success! Success and relief!

 

London London London and...

 

They slowed. Breathing hard. He shook from the effort.

 

She pressed into him trying to picture and imagine and to show.

It was like sprinting through thick mud, and with a moments practice became a little easier.

 

She reached for his hand and pulled him through soft kaleidoscope colors and then it was him as she perceived him.

 

He was running a hand through his hair, pushing his glasses onto his head. Cooking, talking on the phone. He was stretching, arms above his head. On stage presenting. He was a video or a hundred online. He was looking at her with soft eyes and a smile he was pulling her from dreams. He was dressed up, hair slicked back and the sensation of a hand on her waist.

 

They paused.

 

And then he flooded her mind. Clara Clara Clara she was everywhere. Writing and texting, sneezing and waking around. Blushing and small and lovely. Reaching for things taller than her. Her perfume and sunglasses.

Smiling and laughing.

She was in that dress… _that dress_. Exposed skin, soft breasts. Red lips...

 

He was receding from her mind quickly and suddenly she was blinking and gasping and staring at the Ceiling above.

 

The room came back into focus and she whipped her head to look at him.

He was breathing hard, sweat beading on his brow. He looked at her, venerable.

 

They connected at the mouth. Teeth clicking together painfully with the force of the kiss.

 

The rawness of their connection heightened all sensation. Clara's skin practically tingled when he glided his hand up under her blouse.

 

Their minds were still whirling together and there was a push and pull of each other's thoughts and feelings that were almost inseparable. Clara's pleasure was doubled up on itself with the added layers of the Doctors and she knew it was the same for him.

It was instinctive the way the touched each other, they didn't have to stop and question whether or not what they were doing felt good, awkwardness of first sex was out the window.

He was tearing off her clothes faster than she unbuttoned them. He pushed her breasts together and buried his face in them. He kissed the left one, sucking on her nipple. Clara breathed hard and ran her hands through his hair as he moved on to the other, sucking and nipping at her tender skin.

She grabbed the hem of his shirt, pulling it up and over his head. He unbuttoned her trousers and yanked them down over her knees. They met again, kissing desperately. He undid his slacks and pulled them down over his hips. His cock sprang from his boxers, achingly hard and shiny with pre-come.

Clara positioned herself over him and pulling her thong to the side she slid him between her wet slit before sinking him into her.

They both moaned and using his chest as leverage, she ground into him, lifting her hips only slightly before dropping back down again.

He sat up, and their chests bumped together. Sliding a hand up her back as she rode him, he grabbed a fistful of her hair, pulling her head back so that her neck was exposed.

Clara let out a sharp “Ah!” as he sucked hard on the skin between her shoulder and neck. He left an angry red mark that was sure to fade nicely.

He let go of her hair and took her hips. With a quick movement he flipped her onto her back and thrust deeply into her.

“Ah! Fuck me!” she cried, arching her back.

He laughed, and bent over to suck on her bottom lip.

He reached down between their bodies and rubbed delicate circles on her clit. Clara gasped, moaning out his name “Ugn, Doctor…”

Clara ran her nails hard down his back down to his ass. He moaned deep and gravelly, thrusting harder into her.

He slid his hands under her ass, lifting her hips up enough to make sure that the head of his cock brushed up against that little bundle of nerves inside her.

Clara reached down to touch herself as he hit her g-spot. She rolled her hips into him, getting tighter and tighter with each stroke.

“Fuck, Doctor I’m-..” Clara came with a shudder and a gasp, pulsing around him. He fucked her harder, faster and then was pulling out as he came into his hand. He moaned and rested his damp forehead on her shoulder, his come hot and sticky as it dripped on her stomach.


End file.
